ASSIMILATED. But we're not home right now. So leave a message at the
tone, and we'll assimilate you later.
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Hi! John's answering machine i sbroken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak
very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
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Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for
repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)
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Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. Hello, this is
KVKE, you're on the air. (or) Hello, you're caller number nine!
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(Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait
for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound,
press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want
to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension
4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number
and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice,
talk loud and (BEEP) E'llo. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father.
Leave your name and number, and prepare to die. This is the Literacy Self
Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a
sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is "supercilious."
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Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know
who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.
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I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain.
Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of
them will get back to you.
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I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid
talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out
by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.
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Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare for
Test 1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or right ear? 2. ... BEEP (Rod
Sterling imitation:) You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time,
where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost up
ahead-this is no ordinary telephone answering device... 3. You have reached,
"The Twilight Phone". Thank you for calling 434-2322. If you wish to speak
to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn,
push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3
on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything,
but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big
time phone system.
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This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This
is only a test.
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I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone
now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, ecording this message, but I'm
doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess
it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so
confusing.
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The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed. The new
number is 226-0477. Please make a note of it.
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You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice
patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is
done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally
thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial
consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in
the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for
your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the
tone. Thank you.
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(Klingon voice:) ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK. You have reached
the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.
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Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I die before I
wake, Remember to erase the tape.
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Hello, this is Sid. I've got a puppy in one hand and a Smith & Wesson .38 in
the other. Leave a message or the puppy gets it.
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A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here.
So leave a message.
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Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If
you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution,
you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
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(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the
telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet
paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds!
Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain.
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The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.
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Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a
message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
