Adjournment: an interruption in play to enable both players to obtain analytical help from their
   chessmaster friends or their chess libraries.

   Adjudication: a binding decision about the outcome of an unfinished game, made by someone
   who is rated 200 points below you and who renders his judgment after spending a total time
   equal to only 5% of the time you devoted to the game.

   Algebraic Chess Notation: a system of recording chess moves which is so logical and
   mathematically neat that it will never gain favor in the U.S.A.

   Amateur: in chess, someone who plays only for money (cf: professional).

   Annotator: a "friendly guide" to the complexities of master play, who first cites the MCO
   column for the game under review, then remains silent until white is a rook ahead, and , finally,
   points out how black could have held out longer; alternately, someone whose grasp of chess
   doesn't extend beyond his library on the openings.

   Blindford Chess: a skill through which minor masters can gain a world-wide reputation;
   outlawed in Russia because Morphy and Pillsbury died crazy.

   Blitz: an extreme form of rapid transit chess, where the players move faster than they can think
   -- thus ensuring the games a rare profundity.

   Book-Player: a chess slave, who fills a relatively empty head with information that makes it
   even emptier.

   Botvinnik: a Russian king, revered by communist society.

   Brilliancy: a combinative sequence which is understandable to anyone once the solution is
   revealed.

   Bye: in Swiss System tourneys, a full point given to an odd player.

   Center: according to the hypermoderns, the squares QR1, KR1, KR8, QR8.

   Champion: someone who has attained success in chess only because he has had more time to
   devote to the game than you have.

   Cheapo: a phrase coined by U. S. Master Dr. Karl Burger, who has won a large percentage of
   his games by such a maneuver; a move which threatens something so obvious that only an idiot
   would fall for it, and he does.

   Chess: a most intriguing intellectual challenge, played in a cultured manner according to strict
   rules and regulations. The object of the game is to crush your opponent.

   Chess Fever: a disease common among adolescent members of the Manhattan Chess Club;
   characterized by jagged fingernails, bulging eyes, and an unsteady hand.

   Clock, Chess: a mechanical device used to time tournament games which no one ever pays
   attention to until that little red marker is about to fall.

   Club, Chess: a group of devotees of the Royal Game whose meetings are characterized by
   brotherhood and good sportsmanship and where never is heard an encouraging word.

   Combination: any long series of moves that the average player cannot understand.

   Connoisseur, Openings: an undiscriminating authority, who thinks one opening is better than
   another.

   Correspondence Chess: a system of play which is gaining in popularity because you cannot
   lose USCF rating points in this sort of competition.

   Draw, Grandmaster: a friendly conclusion due to mutual fear.

   Duffer: anybody who can beat you three in a row.

   Egotist, Chess: someone who is more interested in describing his own victories than in
   listening to yours.

   Ethics, Chess: undefined (we could find no examples of this).

   Euwe, Max: that Dutch master whose name I can't pronounce.

   Fianchetto: an Italian method of developing bishops, popularized by Russians.

   Fischer, Robert: an American chess veteran who has been U. S. Champion four times. His
   victims accuse him of bad manners; his conquerors think him a fine sport.

   Fool's Mate: the logical conclusion to any game of chess.

   Foresight: the ability to play in only those tournaments you are sure of winning.

   Fork: "an instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into one's mouth" (A.
   Bierce).

   Gambit: any unsound sacrifice in the opening.

   Grandmaster: anyone who has reached the point in chess where he is acclaimed for drawing
   all him games.

   Hypermodern Play: any opening system where an early checkmate is impossible.

   Isolated Pawn: a pawn that will queen in the endgame (cf. passed pawn).

   J'adoube: a phrase customarily emitted when you are caught starting your opponent's clock on
   your move.

   Kibitzer: someone who gives good advice to your opponent and bad advice to you.

   M.C.O.: Modern Chess Oblivion.

   Median System: a way of breaking Swiss System ties which requires a knowledge of
   mathematical statistics and algebra, but which is much simpler than any other system.

   Middlegame: in postal chess, the first move after published analysis is exhausted.

   Odds: chessplayers.

   Opening: that phase of the game in which intelligence plays no part.

   Open File: a file cleared of pawns - a worthy objective since it is then easy to exchange a pair
   of rooks and obtain an early draw.

   Opponent: a slimy individual with an ugly face.

   Open Tournament: a tournament open to all; a weak tournament.

   Overprotection: first emphasized by the well-known theorist Nimzovich, this positional theme
   symbolizes Nimzo's relationship with his mother.

   Passed Pawn: any pawn that never queens (cf. isolated pawn).

   Pawn-Snatcher: a defensive genius.

   Perfect Game: a way of describing all one's victories.

   Principles of Chess: an archaic term; shown to be useless by Mikhail Tal.

   Problem Chess: any chess position that could never occur in an actual game.

   Professional Chessplayer: anybody who cannot make a living at chess (cf. amateur).

   Rating System: an objective method of ranking chess players which does not take into
   consideration the inherent beauty of a rose.

   Resigns: a way of terminating a game, unknown to weak players.

   Round-Robin Tournament: a competition in which you cannot talk the tournament director
   out of pairing you with someone you are afraid of.

   Sacrifice: any piece left en prise.

   Simultaneous Exhibition: a demonstration of ego, where one individual seeks to display his
   chess prowess by beating 40 beginners simultaneously.

   Sportsmanship, Good: concealed hatred for a victorious opponent.

   Strategy: any idea longer than one move deep (cf. Tactics).

   Swindle: the only way anyone can be defeated.

   Swiss-System: a pairing system full of holes, like some other Swiss products.

   Tactics: a one-move threat (cf. Strategy).

   White: since recent Supreme Court decisions, not so big an advantage as it once was.

   Win: to make an enemy.

   Won Game: any game you lost.

   Woodpusher: a way of describing one's chessplay so as to make opponents overconfident.

   Zugzwang: there is no definition of this word.